I feel the breeze kiss my skin
As it gently blows
Yet I am not present
I smell the pungent aroma
Coming off the lake
Yet I am not here
I taste the raindrops
Warm on my tongue
Yet I remain absent
I know I am here
Aware of all I hear
Sense, see
Yet I am away
Shut off from the world
Around me
Conscious
Not there
Not fully aware
I go through the motions
Like a machine
Robotic answers
That have no meaning
I know my heart is racing
I feel the blood surging in my veins
The nails digging in my palms
The pain a sharp counterpoint
To my lack of being
So distant
Watching myself
An odd sensation
To see yourself
As you really are
Not the facade you front
Not integrated
Knowing it’s not a good thing
But not sure
I want to come back
To the pain
The agony
The hurt