It’s been a long time since I posted anything. Life has been dark and I have been in a state of broken disrepair, unable to write.
Tonight it appears the dam is cracking and I can write about the childhood that broke me.
IF ONLY
If my presence offends you
I can only beg forgiveness
And apologize for my sins
However slight
The pain
The tears
Never knowing
What might set you off
If only
If only I was quieter
If only
If only I was more docile
If only
If only I was the daughter you wanted
Not the one you received
Not wanted
Unplanned
A mistake
I don’t ever remember
Not knowing this
Shut up
I don’t want to hear it
You know why
Heartbroken
Alone in my room
Snot and tears
Mingling on the
Flowered bed spread
No succour
A pariah
Hours alone
Today you wonder why
I need so much
Time by myself
You trained me
Isolated me
Self reliant
To not need
To not feel
To not cry
Descent Rising 